I Wish My Father

Hello, before anything else I want to clarify that I'm over 19 years old and whatever it is that has awakened in me did so when I was already an adult. Really, this is the first time I've talked about this because it's something too strong for me and goes against everything rational, but here I am looking for a place where what I feel can be at least understood, and this seems like a place. I'm the only child of a divorced couple over a decade ago, and I've lived with my mother since then, at least until I turned 18, when my mother left to live with her new partner and it was much more convenient for me to move in with my dad because his apartment is very close to the university I attend. So, I started living with him again. He's a truck driver and travels a lot, but since I started living with him, he changed jobs to one that doesn't require long trips and only drives within the region, so he gets home almost every day, and we've become very close again, I cook for him and do all the household chores... Everything was fine and normal until this point. But everything started a few months ago, my dad often plays soccer with his friends and sometimes they can be quite rough, which ended with a sprained ankle and he spent some time resting, and that's when I was helping with massages on his leg, not really sure what awakened in me that day because it wasn't the first time I'd seen my father in underwear but while I was massaging his calf and thigh as he was wearing boxers, letting out a groan when I pressed some strong muscle... I don't know, started imagining all sorts of things and couldn't help but look at the bulge in his boxers that seemed to be pulsing, or maybe it was just my imagination, I don't know, but there I was stretching my hand up his thigh almost reaching... and then reason returned to my head, I realized how excited I was and my father wasn't... I was on the phone, I got scared a lot and nothing else happened at that moment... That was months ago, since then I haven't stopped thinking about it in the clouds, a thousand possibilities, pros and cons, especially consequences, there have been other moments of intimacy because I couldn't help but offer myself to do them, I've worn sportswear and sometimes revealing clothing just to see if there's any reaction, even the slightest reaction from him as a man seeing me as a woman and not as his daughter so I don't feel bad for seeing him that way and it seemed like I saw something of that or maybe I'm just imagining again... I know they'll think it's as simple as telling him or hinting clearly but it's not that easy, it all boils down to consequences I know my father and the possibility of him doing something like this are minimal and losing our closeness could destroy everything.. but I'm convinced that I really desire it... I'm not looking for advice, just someone to listen and not make me feel like only me is going through something like this, I'm not sick, I think not... or maybe if... Probably because I'm wet again