How are you? good, you wanted stories... here's one. I'm 25 years old, almost 26, from Uruguay, since I was 12 years old I've been chubby and now I'm quite fatter, my life has really been a struggle for everything, with you I can be sincere, I haven't had boyfriends, yes I've gone out with some men, of which only one had relations with me, it was the worst thing that could have happened to me as fat, I met him through chat, we were together for 4 months and they were the worst of my life so far, I denigrated myself in a really terrifying way, luckily I managed to escape. He didn't want anything serious with me, he wouldn't hold my hand, he wouldn't show affection in public and sometimes not even in intimacy.
I've always tried to be normal, but my body could more than I, it cost me everything and still costs me, I don't go out dancing, I don't go out almost anywhere except to study at the university where I'm invisible to men's eyes, I have a certain fear of people and especially men.
I've come to think that my life will be very lonely emotionally, I can find some sick person who likes the morbidity of being with a fat woman, but beyond that I don't believe it, having sex for one night like an experiment and things like that, things I don't think I'll ever give in to.
I won't lie, I like handsome men, they catch my attention, but it's not something exclusive, I have the concept that because of what I am, I don't have to settle for whatever comes along, personally, I think I deserve someone who meets certain expectations I have about physical appearance too because no, and it doesn't appear, it looks bad when I say it, but only ugly men appear, and that brings my self-esteem down because people associate fat with ugly, well, I don't know if you understand. Discrimination is already a friend who lives with me and I try to overcome it, I had periods where I got depressed so much I wanted to die thinking I didn't belong here. I see my study companions, thin, beautiful (I'm) I also acquired that concept of fat=ugly) from the very young, that any type of clothing fits them, they feel beautiful, admired, people say nice things to them on the street, they notice it, they don't call them ladies... something that really bothers me.
I had a very difficult and lonely adolescence. I lost my virginity at 22-23 years old, didn't enjoy sexual relationships, felt ashamed looking at myself, what I am.
What I'm saying is, you can have the best intentions expressing your thoughts through email, but for a woman it seems to me that it's more difficult to endure than for a man. Many women get stretch marks, cellulite, rolls, etc., and the worst part is that if you lose weight everything hangs loose, you're like being trapped. Plus, I personally can't follow a proper diet plan that allows me to eat healthy and lose weight, I don't know how, my health could worsen a lot when I'm older if I keep going on like this, I'll be another diabetic, among other things.
It's all very difficult and much, I have a high degree of repression, resentment, and depression. The last time I managed to balance it and carry... maybe I'm masochistic, but I try to bear it.
My parents discriminate against me, so you can imagine how hard it is for me since my family is the base. I don't feel capable of making someone who also likes me wake up with important feelings, wanting to form something, because sometimes I think I'm so little and ugly that I get tired of fighting, look at how much I fight.
I've had diaries and thrown them all away because they only recorded my discomfort for being a chubby girl and now a fat one... everything affects me, everything still affects me, it's just that one gets bigger, older, and there are things that after hurting so much you reach a certain threshold of pain that adapts... the skin becomes more resistant.
Pahh, there would be so many things I could tell you about what happens to me. But it's like making myself a victim and you can think, if it bothers him that much, why doesn't he change all that??? And my answer is... if I had the strength to change everything, I wouldn't be telling you my story in this email..and my life would be totally different..I feel weak inside a fat body..
Well, my mood isn't for continuing today.. maybe I'll follow up later, bye..
Pd: I didn't read it over, so forgive the mistakes and all that.
PD: Life is not always rosy.
I've always tried to be normal, but my body could more than I, it cost me everything and still costs me, I don't go out dancing, I don't go out almost anywhere except to study at the university where I'm invisible to men's eyes, I have a certain fear of people and especially men.
I've come to think that my life will be very lonely emotionally, I can find some sick person who likes the morbidity of being with a fat woman, but beyond that I don't believe it, having sex for one night like an experiment and things like that, things I don't think I'll ever give in to.
I won't lie, I like handsome men, they catch my attention, but it's not something exclusive, I have the concept that because of what I am, I don't have to settle for whatever comes along, personally, I think I deserve someone who meets certain expectations I have about physical appearance too because no, and it doesn't appear, it looks bad when I say it, but only ugly men appear, and that brings my self-esteem down because people associate fat with ugly, well, I don't know if you understand. Discrimination is already a friend who lives with me and I try to overcome it, I had periods where I got depressed so much I wanted to die thinking I didn't belong here. I see my study companions, thin, beautiful (I'm) I also acquired that concept of fat=ugly) from the very young, that any type of clothing fits them, they feel beautiful, admired, people say nice things to them on the street, they notice it, they don't call them ladies... something that really bothers me.
I had a very difficult and lonely adolescence. I lost my virginity at 22-23 years old, didn't enjoy sexual relationships, felt ashamed looking at myself, what I am.
What I'm saying is, you can have the best intentions expressing your thoughts through email, but for a woman it seems to me that it's more difficult to endure than for a man. Many women get stretch marks, cellulite, rolls, etc., and the worst part is that if you lose weight everything hangs loose, you're like being trapped. Plus, I personally can't follow a proper diet plan that allows me to eat healthy and lose weight, I don't know how, my health could worsen a lot when I'm older if I keep going on like this, I'll be another diabetic, among other things.
It's all very difficult and much, I have a high degree of repression, resentment, and depression. The last time I managed to balance it and carry... maybe I'm masochistic, but I try to bear it.
My parents discriminate against me, so you can imagine how hard it is for me since my family is the base. I don't feel capable of making someone who also likes me wake up with important feelings, wanting to form something, because sometimes I think I'm so little and ugly that I get tired of fighting, look at how much I fight.
I've had diaries and thrown them all away because they only recorded my discomfort for being a chubby girl and now a fat one... everything affects me, everything still affects me, it's just that one gets bigger, older, and there are things that after hurting so much you reach a certain threshold of pain that adapts... the skin becomes more resistant.
Pahh, there would be so many things I could tell you about what happens to me. But it's like making myself a victim and you can think, if it bothers him that much, why doesn't he change all that??? And my answer is... if I had the strength to change everything, I wouldn't be telling you my story in this email..and my life would be totally different..I feel weak inside a fat body..
Well, my mood isn't for continuing today.. maybe I'll follow up later, bye..
Pd: I didn't read it over, so forgive the mistakes and all that.
PD: Life is not always rosy.
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