Dear... on this occasion I am writing this post for various reasons... one of them is to receive criticisms that help perfect the writing style... The other is because I have to thank a certain person for letting me take a little bit of their essence and dye it with my revolutionary madness... I leave you without further ado with the written piece, which is divided into two parts that complement each other, I hope you like it:
Under that warm springtime penumbra, I had just emerged from taking a refreshing and relaxing shower, and I collapsed onto the pile of feathers and springs that fit my silhouette... in the background, almost imperceptibly, a melody filled the atmosphere...
Each phrase that escaped my throat was only to announce precipitously how the scene would be where I would become the main protagonist; your caresses were like secondary characters, your kisses; and it's impossible not to mention the extras of this film... among them, your juicy and succulent licks, and their counter parts, my deepest and most pleasant moans.
By that time everything was set up, it was impossible to turn back before the eager crowd... my sincerest fears and shyness were overshadowed, disappeared as soon as the spotlights of your eyes focused on me. It's time to start the beautiful show... with impatience, my hands take charge of covering every inch of my body, following a strict order, they move from north to south and from east to west, covering the entire possible territory.
The palms quickly meet two enormous soft and welcoming montíbooties, interest themselves in them and explore their texture and density. Suddenly, each one of these montíbooties finds a particular condensation; the more the fingertips recognized them, the more they stood up and tensed, to the point where they seemed like rocks.
The simple idea that your hands would rest on them and receive a little of your affection was enough reason for them to maintain their position; I couldn't even let go the possibility that your lips would cling to them, moistening them or, being a little wilder, you dare to give them rough bites. They are ambitious, they ask for more and more, jealous one of the other, competing to satisfy your lust; even when pressing them firmly in the designated place, they let out a little of their liquid essence, knowing that would drive you crazy.
One of my hands ventures a bit beyond what the view over that mountain allowed it to, it delved into the plain of perdition, the other stayed torturing with precision the nipple. The adventure that would unfold after extensive and intense walking would end up in my stomach, churned by extreme sensations... Follow silently its path and arrive at the precious Mount of Venus.
Soon the edge of my underwear becomes visible, swaying from side to side trying to find an entrance or hole to escape, provoking tickles that overwhelm me and cause light convulsions along with the outline of a delicate smile. As if time were stopping, the movements slow down, my restless skin begins to elevate its temperature, almost to burning desire, yearning to feel your breath on it.
Digging into the edges of my hips, my fingers try to penetrate the contained fortress by that stitched fabric, and they succeed after a small struggle; now, my fingers with full freedom to act, delve into the deepest darkness, relying only on their most acute sense... touch.
Upon reaching the supreme superior point, an overwhelming sigh bursts forth, my timid clitoris escaped from its hiding place to play with my hot fingers... And as their interaction increases, I notice how the entire cavity is getting wet, to the point of being analogously in a pool, he and my fingers; even drowning out a particular sound of satisfaction - Can you hear it? -
Involuntarily my pelvis starts twisting, a mix of sweet calvary and appetizing spasm... My dirty mind can't help but imagine that it's you who causes such effects, those fantastic sensations.
Unconsciously the movement, the interaction between the two participants in pleasure accelerates; the path of my tip covers more territory, seeming not to As I am completely... and it enters the most ardent and humid cavity... the walls of the same emit a hypnotic sweat; dubitative, it plays at entering there and leaving in a state of panic, which I love. My other hand, delicately chastises my chest, in composition, managing to make all my skin stand on end and me, more and more on the verge of losing consciousness.
Upon noticing that the background melody is nearing its end, I decide that said closing shall be simultaneous... I increase the speed and intensity of my movements, my body takes possession and begins to emit incomprehensible oscillations... I imagine you lurking in the darkness of this room's corner, gnawing your lips, offering a unique show; and the sensation of your gaze fixed on me ignites me even more, my fantasies explode at the surface.
That intense and uncontrollable sensation is slowly taking possession of my body; I wish you desired this climax more than I do in these moments; I turn away from the view and the idea of your eyes contemplating the luxurious panorama and transmitting your desires through your gaze is my downfall.
My neurons finally burst and release the condensed content of pleasure... my voice sharpens into a pleasant scream, a spontaneous and sincere groan. My entire body lies prostrate, without will or strength to effect even the slightest movement.
I only have to wait for you to take the necessary impulse and get into bed with me...
The sunset was slowly escaping in that warm spring afternoon, giving and opening its way to the night and the calm of its chambers. After listening anxiously to that artificial rain for approximately twenty minutes and delighting in the reflection behind the bathroom curtain of an enchanting silhouette, the toilet door suddenly closed; a few seconds later it opened again and from that room a finely sculpted creature walked out with perfect balance of hips and legs, covered by a cotton robe that cascaded down. Immobilized and with my mouth half-open I was witnessing one of the most beautiful landscapes ever contemplated... the cotton slid down your silky skin until it violently collided with the floor... you collapsed onto the welcoming bed, which was molding itself to your body as you settled in. It occurred to me to set the mood by playing melodies that would serve as accompaniment or witnesses, or simply to reassure myself that this wasn't a dream. I would have sworn there was a slight synchrony between what I heard and what I saw. If I was already overwhelmed, the most erotic scene began before my completely dilated pupils. I concentrated my absolute attention on the swaying of your hands that couldn't decide on a clear path, until they started the slow caresses along the neck, as if marking territory, and then gently descended... from left to right covering all the terrain; until they suddenly stumbled upon your breasts... as if they had never known them before, the palms began a complete expedition, bordered those mountainous and succulent prominences. I must admit that by this point I was so immersed in what I saw that I let out a thread of saliva from my half-open mouth; and the buzzing of my heart that increased with each second, overshadowed the ambient music... I was completely connected to your mind. Your delicate fingers faced soft tumults that you wanted to recognize, but your shape rose as the fingertips went around and approached... I imagined myself passing by, the morbid idea of being the protagonist of that adventure, and my hands would perform the exploration, or my moist lips would cling to those charming tumults... My tongue was relishing and rubbing against the edge of my teeth just from imagining myself present in that situation.
I could see one of your restless hands, more precisely the left one, not content with the crumbs of pleasure distributed, sliding silently across the center of your chest, and descending abruptly arriving at your sensual belly, investigating a bit further, either restless or finicky, continued its journey and settled on your famous Mount of Venus.
The embroidered edge of your sensual underwear contained the movement of your fingers, which did not give up and sought flanks to escape. From side to side and provoking a rather particular and contagious laugh, your body begins to convulse lightly... I take a mental picture of the moment to recall it when I feel like it. It's silk skin that covers you, starting to become less pale and more rosy, perceptible is the increase in ambient temperature... and although I would like to reduce it by blowing, I find myself petrified.
By the edge of your hips, the wall that was impenetrable just moments before had been reduced to a defeated elastic due to necessity; one can see how the path of your fingers disorients you in a very wild way. With the faint light surrounding us, you let out an enchanting sigh, which indicates that an ideal spark has been lit between your fingers and the most erogenous zone of your body. The sound of internal elixirs puts my ears on edge... I listen and shiver.
Your body begins to involuntarily twist, a fabulous, astonishing contortion... in my head. The desire to be the one who provokes such effects resounds in me. As if time were slipping away with greater speed, the intensity and acceleration of your movements increased, mere optical illusion... the vivid image of your hand completely covered by your intimate fabrics gives rise to my lust, evoking a whirlwind of fantasies... your fingers seem to immerse themselves and disappear between your legs and pollen bursts forth, ebullitions from there forming a copious and slippery river that clings to your pubic area and inner thighs. Your skin, already completely desaturated in a range of intense reds and roses, provides a unique frame; the abrupt spasms emanating from your muscles show no mercy... I become aware that the melody is ready to cum and read like magic your idea of cum alongside it... I get up to contemplate the grand finale, impatience makes me bite my lips, my gaze does not stray from there, nor do I notice, but I don't blink, there's no second to be wasted. You're getting ready to convulse, to enter shock completely; suddenly your eyes make a mystical connection with mine, your retinas reflecting the sweet taste of climax and like an immense explosion, they diverge and converge pointing to nothing, infinity. The loud and intense moan slightly appeases my desires to devour you... reflex actions of your tensed muscles disconnecting until finally you're completely spent. Only the necessary impulse remains for me to enter her bed alongside her...I'd like to make a special dedication to @Belona00, from whom I took the original idea for writing the first and most expensive part... and who completely inspired me to complement it with the second part.
@BigWomanNQN - Thanks for being a great critic and motivating me to do things completely differently, we share the same vision on a lot of things that others don't, jejejeje.
@Lady_GodivaII - Your passion for reading is intertwining us... there are still a lot of exchanges of movies and literary works of mutual interest.
@MariaCandelaria - You were the first to comment on the previous post, so I can't let this pass... Besides, despite the distance, we coincide on many things and your opinion matters to me.
@DebbyMetal86 - You're gone for a good reason... but the last time we talked I saw you with all the batteries... don't lose heart, that smile from ear to ear suits you well.
@StefiMarinera - I adore your answers, they're worth standing up and applauding you.
@Belona00 - A million thanks and apologies
Side A:
Under that warm springtime penumbra, I had just emerged from taking a refreshing and relaxing shower, and I collapsed onto the pile of feathers and springs that fit my silhouette... in the background, almost imperceptibly, a melody filled the atmosphere...
Each phrase that escaped my throat was only to announce precipitously how the scene would be where I would become the main protagonist; your caresses were like secondary characters, your kisses; and it's impossible not to mention the extras of this film... among them, your juicy and succulent licks, and their counter parts, my deepest and most pleasant moans.
By that time everything was set up, it was impossible to turn back before the eager crowd... my sincerest fears and shyness were overshadowed, disappeared as soon as the spotlights of your eyes focused on me. It's time to start the beautiful show... with impatience, my hands take charge of covering every inch of my body, following a strict order, they move from north to south and from east to west, covering the entire possible territory.
The palms quickly meet two enormous soft and welcoming montíbooties, interest themselves in them and explore their texture and density. Suddenly, each one of these montíbooties finds a particular condensation; the more the fingertips recognized them, the more they stood up and tensed, to the point where they seemed like rocks.
The simple idea that your hands would rest on them and receive a little of your affection was enough reason for them to maintain their position; I couldn't even let go the possibility that your lips would cling to them, moistening them or, being a little wilder, you dare to give them rough bites. They are ambitious, they ask for more and more, jealous one of the other, competing to satisfy your lust; even when pressing them firmly in the designated place, they let out a little of their liquid essence, knowing that would drive you crazy.
One of my hands ventures a bit beyond what the view over that mountain allowed it to, it delved into the plain of perdition, the other stayed torturing with precision the nipple. The adventure that would unfold after extensive and intense walking would end up in my stomach, churned by extreme sensations... Follow silently its path and arrive at the precious Mount of Venus.
Soon the edge of my underwear becomes visible, swaying from side to side trying to find an entrance or hole to escape, provoking tickles that overwhelm me and cause light convulsions along with the outline of a delicate smile. As if time were stopping, the movements slow down, my restless skin begins to elevate its temperature, almost to burning desire, yearning to feel your breath on it.
Digging into the edges of my hips, my fingers try to penetrate the contained fortress by that stitched fabric, and they succeed after a small struggle; now, my fingers with full freedom to act, delve into the deepest darkness, relying only on their most acute sense... touch.
Upon reaching the supreme superior point, an overwhelming sigh bursts forth, my timid clitoris escaped from its hiding place to play with my hot fingers... And as their interaction increases, I notice how the entire cavity is getting wet, to the point of being analogously in a pool, he and my fingers; even drowning out a particular sound of satisfaction - Can you hear it? -
Involuntarily my pelvis starts twisting, a mix of sweet calvary and appetizing spasm... My dirty mind can't help but imagine that it's you who causes such effects, those fantastic sensations.
Unconsciously the movement, the interaction between the two participants in pleasure accelerates; the path of my tip covers more territory, seeming not to As I am completely... and it enters the most ardent and humid cavity... the walls of the same emit a hypnotic sweat; dubitative, it plays at entering there and leaving in a state of panic, which I love. My other hand, delicately chastises my chest, in composition, managing to make all my skin stand on end and me, more and more on the verge of losing consciousness.
Upon noticing that the background melody is nearing its end, I decide that said closing shall be simultaneous... I increase the speed and intensity of my movements, my body takes possession and begins to emit incomprehensible oscillations... I imagine you lurking in the darkness of this room's corner, gnawing your lips, offering a unique show; and the sensation of your gaze fixed on me ignites me even more, my fantasies explode at the surface.
That intense and uncontrollable sensation is slowly taking possession of my body; I wish you desired this climax more than I do in these moments; I turn away from the view and the idea of your eyes contemplating the luxurious panorama and transmitting your desires through your gaze is my downfall.
My neurons finally burst and release the condensed content of pleasure... my voice sharpens into a pleasant scream, a spontaneous and sincere groan. My entire body lies prostrate, without will or strength to effect even the slightest movement.
I only have to wait for you to take the necessary impulse and get into bed with me...
Side B:
The sunset was slowly escaping in that warm spring afternoon, giving and opening its way to the night and the calm of its chambers. After listening anxiously to that artificial rain for approximately twenty minutes and delighting in the reflection behind the bathroom curtain of an enchanting silhouette, the toilet door suddenly closed; a few seconds later it opened again and from that room a finely sculpted creature walked out with perfect balance of hips and legs, covered by a cotton robe that cascaded down. Immobilized and with my mouth half-open I was witnessing one of the most beautiful landscapes ever contemplated... the cotton slid down your silky skin until it violently collided with the floor... you collapsed onto the welcoming bed, which was molding itself to your body as you settled in. It occurred to me to set the mood by playing melodies that would serve as accompaniment or witnesses, or simply to reassure myself that this wasn't a dream. I would have sworn there was a slight synchrony between what I heard and what I saw. If I was already overwhelmed, the most erotic scene began before my completely dilated pupils. I concentrated my absolute attention on the swaying of your hands that couldn't decide on a clear path, until they started the slow caresses along the neck, as if marking territory, and then gently descended... from left to right covering all the terrain; until they suddenly stumbled upon your breasts... as if they had never known them before, the palms began a complete expedition, bordered those mountainous and succulent prominences. I must admit that by this point I was so immersed in what I saw that I let out a thread of saliva from my half-open mouth; and the buzzing of my heart that increased with each second, overshadowed the ambient music... I was completely connected to your mind. Your delicate fingers faced soft tumults that you wanted to recognize, but your shape rose as the fingertips went around and approached... I imagined myself passing by, the morbid idea of being the protagonist of that adventure, and my hands would perform the exploration, or my moist lips would cling to those charming tumults... My tongue was relishing and rubbing against the edge of my teeth just from imagining myself present in that situation.
I could see one of your restless hands, more precisely the left one, not content with the crumbs of pleasure distributed, sliding silently across the center of your chest, and descending abruptly arriving at your sensual belly, investigating a bit further, either restless or finicky, continued its journey and settled on your famous Mount of Venus.
The embroidered edge of your sensual underwear contained the movement of your fingers, which did not give up and sought flanks to escape. From side to side and provoking a rather particular and contagious laugh, your body begins to convulse lightly... I take a mental picture of the moment to recall it when I feel like it. It's silk skin that covers you, starting to become less pale and more rosy, perceptible is the increase in ambient temperature... and although I would like to reduce it by blowing, I find myself petrified.
By the edge of your hips, the wall that was impenetrable just moments before had been reduced to a defeated elastic due to necessity; one can see how the path of your fingers disorients you in a very wild way. With the faint light surrounding us, you let out an enchanting sigh, which indicates that an ideal spark has been lit between your fingers and the most erogenous zone of your body. The sound of internal elixirs puts my ears on edge... I listen and shiver.
Your body begins to involuntarily twist, a fabulous, astonishing contortion... in my head. The desire to be the one who provokes such effects resounds in me. As if time were slipping away with greater speed, the intensity and acceleration of your movements increased, mere optical illusion... the vivid image of your hand completely covered by your intimate fabrics gives rise to my lust, evoking a whirlwind of fantasies... your fingers seem to immerse themselves and disappear between your legs and pollen bursts forth, ebullitions from there forming a copious and slippery river that clings to your pubic area and inner thighs. Your skin, already completely desaturated in a range of intense reds and roses, provides a unique frame; the abrupt spasms emanating from your muscles show no mercy... I become aware that the melody is ready to cum and read like magic your idea of cum alongside it... I get up to contemplate the grand finale, impatience makes me bite my lips, my gaze does not stray from there, nor do I notice, but I don't blink, there's no second to be wasted. You're getting ready to convulse, to enter shock completely; suddenly your eyes make a mystical connection with mine, your retinas reflecting the sweet taste of climax and like an immense explosion, they diverge and converge pointing to nothing, infinity. The loud and intense moan slightly appeases my desires to devour you... reflex actions of your tensed muscles disconnecting until finally you're completely spent. Only the necessary impulse remains for me to enter her bed alongside her...I'd like to make a special dedication to @Belona00, from whom I took the original idea for writing the first and most expensive part... and who completely inspired me to complement it with the second part.
@BigWomanNQN - Thanks for being a great critic and motivating me to do things completely differently, we share the same vision on a lot of things that others don't, jejejeje.
@Lady_GodivaII - Your passion for reading is intertwining us... there are still a lot of exchanges of movies and literary works of mutual interest.
@MariaCandelaria - You were the first to comment on the previous post, so I can't let this pass... Besides, despite the distance, we coincide on many things and your opinion matters to me.
@DebbyMetal86 - You're gone for a good reason... but the last time we talked I saw you with all the batteries... don't lose heart, that smile from ear to ear suits you well.
@StefiMarinera - I adore your answers, they're worth standing up and applauding you.
@Belona00 - A million thanks and apologies
8 comentários - Written - Cassette - Sides A and B
Y que te quiero mucho y que me pareces una personita super dulce y especial pero aflojale a la pajaaa jajaja naah mentira JAJAJA te deje mis 10+ puntines guoch? Te quiero muchio...
Te quiero soretito mio JAJAJA...
Me alegro que lo hayas posteado
El foro debía leerte...
Es bueno dejar un legado 😉
Gracias...no tengo nada q perdonarte...
Lo postee por una fuerza mayor que me obligó a hacerlo... llámese voluntad, inconsciencia, locura o como prefiera...
El foro no debe leerme... deben leerme quienes me importan... con eso me basta; los demás sirven de mera crítica constructiva/desctructiva hasta que me demuestren lo contrario.
Que legado? De que estamos hablando?
Lo otro lo seguimos hablando por otras vías
Agradezcan más que nada a @Belona00 que fue la originaria de la idea
Empiezo por lo bueno y despues con la critica, critica que vos mismo pedis. El texto es hermoso, lamentablemente no es para todo publico, no cualquiera acepta fumarse textos tan complejos, yo mismo de hecho, me empalague bastante jajajajaja, pero como soy un bicho raro tambien disfruto de las cosas que no son lo mio, como leer One Piece -que ejemplo mas pedorro vengo a elegir-, que es un manga que me da un asquito potencialmente toxico por momentos, pero me lo fumo igual y admito es una gran obra. (Que no se entienda mal como que tu texto me da asco, faltaria mas, hombre)
El vocabulario implementado es variado y elegante, la redaccion esta perfecta mas alla de que si revisabas una vez mas el texto te dabas cuenta que se te fue la mano y faltan un par de letras, pero bueno, las prisas del escritor son el precio a pagar por la inspiracion.
Ahora voy a la critica per se. No tiene gracia narrar un acontecimiento desde el punto de vista de las dos partes, si ambas partes van a narrar, sentir, y decir lo mismo, incluso un par de terminos han sido calcados tanto por el hombre como por la mujer. En esencia el unico fallo que le encuentro al relato es que al ser ambas partes calcadas desde lo sensorial hasta lo narrativo, ambas partes, ergo, ambos personajes, carecen de personalidad, no hay nada que sea patente de la mujer, tampoco del hombre, esta bien insinuar que la conexion de ambas personas es simplemente perfecta, pero la perfeccion en si misma no tiene gracia, por mas bella que se me haya podido antojar la lectura de tu relato. Seguramente en el fondo sientas lo mismo, que en realidad hacer que en los mismos tramos lleguen incluso a las mismas conclusiones como que todo era todo gracias al muchacho, es una forma muy lineal de hacerlo.
Espero no te ofenda mi critica y saques algo bueno de ella, de hecho mi critica es la que es porque tenes grandes aspiraciones, y eso es bueno, muy bueno. Tene en cuenta que soy un jodido, pero un jodido bueno jajajajaja 🤘
Un saludo colega, a la medianoche me paso y dejo mis miserables puntos, un verdadero placer leerte y seguramente me de el lujo de ir explorando tu historial de posts a ver si me encuentro mas relatos con ese peculiar y elegante estilo que tenes.
En cierto modo coincido con lo que mencionás de que pierde un poco el sentido el describir lo mismo desde dos puntos de vista opuestos... aunque rescato las siguientes particularidades: Nunca me había pue
Una lastima que no haya podido leer lo que opinabas, ahora no se si me mandaste a freir churros o si me invitaste a un telo, paradojas de la vida facilmente solucionables con un MP reparador.
Saludos colega.