My failure as an actress

My name is Grecia and I'm currently 36 years old. But the story I'm about to tell you happened when I had just turned 18 years old, that was in 2005. Back then I was a type of EMO girl, I liked dressing up in black clothes, using dark makeup, listening to alternative music, and watching Asian porn. I didn't have many friends, nor did I get along with my mother, who always criticized me and told me I had to be more feminine and responsible. One day, while reviewing my Hi5 account, I saw an ad that caught my attention. It was a casting call for a pornographic film by an independent studio in Mexico, looking for girls between 18 and 25 years old with open minds who were willing to eat semen while being filmed. But what really attracted me was the pay: $250 cash plus travel expenses to Querétaro, where the casting would take place. I lived in Mexico City and had never left except for school trips. It seemed like a unique opportunity to escape my routine and earn some money doing something that caught my attention a lot. Obviously, I didn't tell my mother anything, knowing she wouldn't agree with me traveling alone, especially not knowing what I was going to Querétaro haha. So one morning, taking advantage of the fact that she had left for work, I took out my savings and went to the bus station. I bought a ticket to Querétaro, which left at 9:00 am and arrived at 12:30 pm. The casting was at 2:00 pm, so I thought I could go and come back without any problems in one day. When I arrived in Querétaro, I took a taxi that brought me to the address they gave me on Hi5, it was an apartment where the casting would take place. It was an old and neglected building in a little-traveled area. When I got there, I was surprised to see that there were no other girls waiting. There was only a sign on the door that said Casting, ring the bell. I got a bit scared, but I mustered up my courage and decided to enter. open the door, I found myself with a young tall and very handsome, athletic and very dark-skinned man who smiled at me and told me he was the actor with whom I would be doing the casting. There was also a chubby and sweaty cameraman who greeted me in a morbid way, a beautiful but unfriendly young assistant to me, and a man who claimed to be the producer and director of the film. They asked me to sit on a couch and fill out a form where I authorized the use of my image for $250 dollars, as long as I fulfilled the purpose of the scene which was to eat all the semen that the actor would release. I didn't read what I signed but according to it I had agreed to have rough sex and anal... I didn't give importance, I just wanted to finish soon and get paid. They asked me to change into clothes for the scene, and they gave me a red lycra dress very short and tight with black plastic heels and a tiny pink thong that I didn't like at all. I put it on reluctantly and looked in the mirror. I didn't recognize myself, I looked like another person, I saw myself very pretty but nothing to do with my then self. The director explained that the scene was very simple, I just had to kiss the actor, suck his cock, let him do whatever he wanted, moan a lot, enjoy and finally eat all the actor's semen. It seemed strange since I thought I would only be eating semen, but I didn't say anything. The actor approached me and took my hand. He looked at me and told me to relax, that he would guide me. I felt a chill but I didn't dare refuse him. The director yelled 'action' and the actor kissed me. It was a long and deep kiss that left me breathless. I didn't know what to do, I just let myself be carried away. He hugged me and whispered in my ear to suck his cock. I looked at the boy's cock and it was enormous, it seemed like an animal, I was scared but I sucked and sucked with great effort since it barely fit in my mouth, after a few minutes and several close shots he lifted me up and took off Dressed in a thong and leaving only my shoes on, I kissed my breasts and lay down on the couch to lick my vagina, which was fortunately well-groomed and very wet. After that, he got up and spat on his cock, and then began the torture... He put his cock in me very hard until the end, I started screaming from pain, but he laughed and said it wasn't so bad, lifted my legs and penetrated me like a madman, then turned me over and started giving me doggy style, I screamed from pain while the cameraman filmed my face and asked me to look at the camera, but that was not pleasant... But the worst came later... Already in doggy style, he pushed me further, putting my face on the couch and placing my hands on my back, opened my legs a bit more and grabbed my hands tightly and spat again, this time in my anus, I started trying to free myself but it was difficult to move in that position, begged him to let me go but no one paid attention, all I could hear was the cameraman's laughter and the director saying it would continue, the boy put his enormous cock in my anus and I screamed even louder this time, not just screaming but also crying and begging him to stop, but he kept giving it to me harder, the cameraman didn't stop filming my face crying while laughing. When he finally stopped, I turned over and began to masturbate on my face, I wanted to get away but he said I had to do it, told me to open my mouth and that would be the end, I looked at him crying and telling him I didn't want to, but he put his cock in my mouth while telling me to open it, I did and he started ejaculating in it, told me to eat it all and not throw up, which cost me effort since his cock was very dirty because my anus had left it full of poop. The director shouted 'cut' and the actor separated from me. He smiled sarcastically and told me I had done well, that I was a great actress. I didn't believe him and looked at him with hatred, all I wanted to do was get out of there. The director handed me an envelope with the $250 dollars and told me I could leave, that I should stay with my clothes on and if I wanted to go to the bathroom to clean up. After that he said they didn't need anything else from me. He didn't explain anything to me, the jerk didn't even tell me his name. He just told me to get out quickly because they had to continue with the casting and clean up my mess. I put on my dress and thong again because I didn't want to waste any more time, gathered my things and left the apartment quickly, took another taxi that brought me to the bus station. I bought a ticket to Mexico City, which departed at 4:00 p.m. and arrived at 7:30 p.m. When I got on, I sat down in a back seat and looked out the window while crying. I felt a sense of emptiness and defeat. I had risked so much for nothing. I didn't know what I'd done or why. All I knew was that I'd lost something of myself, something I could never recover. I arrived in Mexico City and walked slowly to my house. My mother wasn't there, she'd left a note saying she'd gone to visit a friend who lived nearby. I entered my room and took off the red dress. I threw it away along with the envelope with the money. I didn't want anything of that. I put on my black clothes and went to bed. I cried until I fell asleep. That was the story I lived in 2005, when I was 18 years old and an EMO girl. Never told anyone about it, not even my mother. Never knew what happened with that movie or that actor. Never saw them again. All I know is that that day I lost something of myself, something I don't know if I'll be able to recover someday.