Me introduje los dedos en el culo

I'm going through a somewhat confusing moment, I started with cuckold fantasies a while ago. I imagine my wife being penetrated by someone else when we're having sex, sometimes I think about her getting together with her ex-partners or friends, also this feeling of being the submissive cuck that accompanies his wife to suck cock emerged. Lately, while taking a bath, I dream of introducing one or two fingers and it's exciting but I haven't felt strong pleasure or anything like that. My wife and I always have sex with condoms for me, the truth is not very pleasant and it actually bothers me that we even use condoms to suck each other, well last time she gave me oral and then I had her, we used two condoms, one was full of semen and the other of saliva, my wife went downstairs to the kitchen and I stayed in bed, taking advantage of being alone I took the condom wrapper and with my finger I took the lubricant that was left over for later introducing my fingers into the anus, it felt good and at that moment I saw the condom with saliva and took it with desperation and put it on my fingers and started to introduce them, it felt quite comfortable, it was exciting but I didn't feel anything special apart from being very worried about my wife coming in and finding me naked in bed introducing my fingers into my anus. I need advice on how to have an anal orgasm, what objects can I use? What should I think? Is this making me gay?