Men are at a disadvantage in front of cuties. Any cutie, no matter how ugly she is, opens her legs and puts it out. You have to make all sorts of tricks to get her to care about you. If you make the list of what an average cutie wants to accept you into her, you need to look good but not be a jerk, have money but not be stingy, have a car but not be a bore, be polite but not slobbery, sweet but not too sugary, intelligent but not arrogant, funny but not a clown, good friend but with few friends, well-endowed but always at maximum power, not too muscular but worked out, sporty but don't like watching football or boxing and it could go on. What men care most about is that the cutie has big breasts and if she has pep... all the better. Ladies will say this isn't true and maybe they're right. That's why I've found myself many times with demanding señoritas.
My friend from Neuquén challenged me to write a post that defends men after her three hilarious publications (which I recommend and leave below) and I resist. It happens because I'm a tenacious admirer of cuties. Maybe it's because even though I've met many crazy women, I was also with cuties who I still regret not having anymore. And the thing is that a cutie is a rare creature. On one hand, she demands a lot and on the other, she has infinite capacity to give. The same capacity that allows the mistress after cleaning the house, dealing with mares, selling her beauty products, and cooking milangas, to want to put on some shorts and can-can stockings to fuck, while half the time I arrive exhausted, morphed, and go upstairs giving her barely a kiss. That same hysterical biology that sometimes breaks our balls, doesn't sleep all night taking care of your young lady with fever, and still has energy in the morning to wake you up with a mate and encouragement to ask if you slept well... It can't be like this... cuties are a low blow. old man!
Today: 5 cuties you don't have to screw (unless you have Ironman's balls of metal, I meant metal ones)
The crazy one of shit:The thing is like this, you know her from gamba to air and audacious cut, she's good and insinuating. She dresses well and seems super determined. Everything's fine until you leave. During the first date, she tells you about her ex who didn't come with a condom, her crazy old lady, her turry uncle who used to touch her ass when she was pre-adolescent. You want to leave but you look at her tits and ass and understand the guy. You make up for it and take her to a hotel. They get into balls at the tugs and you feel like this is going to be like sleeping with the embers to make leather, however when you try to fuck her she starts crying, you don't understand anything and end up taking her home. The next day she'll tell everyone that you're an atomic idiot and that you've got a little girl. This last part is true, but remember it's better to have the cock small than so much shit in your head.Erotic image that represents her:It's like getting stuck in a CEAMSE mobile deposit.Lady's Outfit:Little black short dress or wild shorts and blouse, you're not going to get out of your head in years what the culottes looked like on you!Cologne that captivates you:Explosive in Paradise by Victoria's Secret or Pure Poison by DiorCure for your love:Prolonged penis and good luck next time
The Hysterical One:Don't confuse her with the crazy one, the hysteric is a young lady who was last seen during Alfonsin's presidency and has been forgotten about what she wants. Then, she wants you to screw her but respect her, she wants you to do it well but not hurt her, she wants to suck you off but not finish. So, it comes down to the average of the ladies that's best to avoid. You know her from chat, seems cool and is. You're going to eat, and on that day you'll advance her in the car but after rubbing your junk like you want to erase the mole on your tip, she asks you to take her home. The scene will repeat several times more. If you have patience, you'll finally end up in a hotel but by then you'll already have chronic orchitis (in the worst case, you'll be like her and won't even know why the hell you went to the hotel).Pictorial image that represents her:It's like getting stuck on Pepe Zorrillo's cat.Lady's Outfit:High-waisted tube top with kitty optional Palazzo pants and shiny blouse (the vedette is out of fashion)Perfume that captivates you:Carolina Herrera Sexy by J'Adore of DiorCure for your love:Make yourself a blow job, it's cheaper and healthier for your wife
The flirtatious oneIt's a genuine contract with misfortune. Cute girls are good at lying, but the one who's head over heels is the worst of all... It turns out that the cute girl swears she only wants to fuck, pretends to be into you, threatens you through chat or text, fills you with virtual kisses but never says the two sacred words. It's a scam, she drives herself to the date and tells you, 'Let me handle it.' You arrive at the hotel in a rush, thinking you've found your life partner in bed, and stumble like the Dukes of Hazard jumping over the river. When you're done, light up a cigarette and she with her makeup running says the two words (almost always accompanied by a 'I think') while playing with your chest hair... 'I think I love you.' She's lying to you, crazy! It's a mortal trap disguised as a fluffy pancake with caramel flambeed. You have two options: sacrifice her like kittens in the hot tub water, which is dangerous and even illegal... or make the great escape: run for your life!Erotic image that represents her:It's like getting tangled up with a jellyfish, you look it straight in the face and it turns you to stone forever.Lady's Outfit:jean and light blue blouse, low-cut cane boots without a block.Perfume that captivates you:Light Blue of Dolce & Gabbana or Coco Mademoiselle by ChanelCure for your love:Keep running, you idiot, and don't ask!
4 - God, country, love:A true sex military. She doesn't get screwed from behind because she infects Neisseria gonorrhoeae, she doesn't suck because you smell like cock, she doesn't want to get on all fours because 'you're a loser and you'll want me to do something else and you know that Neisseria gonorrhoeae is contagious...' and you waste the saliva you had to lubricate your cock explaining that gonorrhea doesn't come from screwing from behind and she says 'It doesn't matter, it's a joke... because if God had wanted...' and you look at that ass that looks like the curve of Ascari and Senna together and decide... I can't have such bad cum and the slut who got me pregnant! She doesn't fart, doesn't pee, doesn't get screwed from behind, won't let you finish on her tits and when you're done screwing while you're taking a wiscola, she prays because it's time for the rosary chain...Pictorial image that represents her:It's like getting tangled up with a harpsichord while Bach was playing a fugueLady's OutfitHigh-waisted skirt and opaque blouse, little breasts, unflattering pantsPerfume that captivates you:Angel by Thierry Mugler or Anais Anais by CacharelCure for your love:Fuck the chubby first-timer, she won't be that good but she's ten times a slut
5 - The bitter vaginal:I understand these ladies. Because the truth is crazy... imagine having to fake an orgasm always. Not once, not twice, or thrice... always crazy... Poor girls. I'm telling you what pisses me off? That I don't admit it. Let's be a girl and for a moment resentful. Because if you know that you don't make cum even a single cebu in heat, why do you make me waste energy. It's not better than taking some mates by the river? I'll tell you some jokes or sing something low-key, we walk hand in hand... and then each one to their ranch... and let me jerk off quietly in porn that satisfies me double and costs half and the bitter regret of your bitter twin sister!Pictorial image that represents her:It's like getting stuck on Lola Mora's statue, but not that fun.Lady's Outfit:Leggings and blouse with one shoulder, Booty less, black boots (all messed up)Perfume that captivates you:Black Orchid by Tom Ford or Nu by Yves Saint Laurent for womanCure for your love:If you fall in love, cut it off and donate it to INCUCAI, it will be more useful there than between your legs
Necessary Epilogue:To the ladies I say. Claudio loves them, even though we're called fat, sweaty, hairy, dirty, rats, sons of a slut, crazy, hysterical, or psychopaths. I'll keep saying that cuties are half art and half love machine. I remember when my older daughter was born, a crappy delivery with the young lady coming out of my ass, the doctor handed her to me and then took her away from the nurse, who was tired and said 'pussy' in despair, told me to look at how fat I am, we made it between the two of us. And I, who hadn't actually done anything, started crying... I remember and my tears fall... and if you want to tell me again, tell me again... I cry because I'm a faggot!!
The promised links of Regi, aka @BigWomanNQN
Chronics of failed fucks and stinky goals Part 1
Chronics of failed fucks and stinky goals Part 2
Chronics of failed fucks and stinky goals Part 3
Claudio hugs you, Good Night!
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Comentarios Destacados
me hiciste reir un monton!!
como hay boludazos a pedal.. hay locas de mierda.. sin lugar a dudas males necesarios para la sociedad..
besos y sale reco!
161 comentários - 5 cute ones you don't need to screw (Humor)
me cago de risa!!!
gracias!!!!
"bombachon deserotizante" jajaja.. tal cual boludo! y encima color beige! jajajaja.. un abrazo capo!
Abrazos!!
Excelente su relato amigo!!!
Volveré con puntos...
excelente compilado
buen post amigo
😀
Gracias viejo!!
otra vez a tipear todo porque se borro.....
te decia
hermano Claudio vamos en orden
1- y lo menos importante para matar lo burocratico te dejo todos los puntos que tengo, son pocos pero los mereces todos
2- gracias por mostrarnos que tambien en la mujer hay una relacion genito-cerebral y si bien a nosotros. nos adjudican pensar con la chota esto demuestra que tambien hay cada conchuda descerebrada....
y 3 y mas importante excelente el cierre del post..... che si por haber hecho eso y reconocerlo sos puto.... entonces pongamos espalda contra espalda porque no dejo morir a un valiente solo....
siga companero
gracias de nuevo y espero que esta vez le llegue el comentario
un abrazo a la distancia mi amigo
"Comprendió que un destino no es mejor que otro, pero que todo hombre debe acatar el que lleva adentro.
Comprendió su íntimo destino de lobo, no de perro gregario; comprendió que el otro era él. Amanecía en la desaforada llanura; Cruz arrojó por tierra el quepis, gritó que no iba a consentir el delito de que se matara a un valiente y se puso a pelear contra los soldados junto al desertor Martín Fierro"
gracias a vos Claudio si en una simples palabras te recordaron lo
De lo mejor que has escrito, no solo porque nos reímos mucho sino porque toda la introducción y el epílogo está impregnada de una dulce y tierna mirada a las mujeres, esos "bichos raros", esos seres que somos tan complejos e inentendibles para los hombres.......
Hay tantas frases y apostillas hilarantes en el escrito que es difícil resaltar una pero La Gran Forest me mató !!! 😀 😀 😀 😀
A favoritos para volver con puntines y recomendado porque que bien nos viene a todos reírnos y pensar un rato !!!!
Gracias por compartir.
Angie te deja Besos y Lamiditas !!!
La mejor forma de agradecer la buena onda que se recibe es comentando, al menos al que te comenta. Yo comenté tu post, vos comentaste el mío?
Compartamos, comentemos, apoyemos, hagamos cada vez mejor esta maravillosa Comunidad !!!
Aunque algunas expresiones se nos escapan a los del otro lado del charco, se te lee con pasión y admiración, porque es imposible no cagarse de la risa. No se puede pedir más. Grande!
Me mataste!
Te llevás mis 10 y reco!!!!!!
Te dejo puntos y reco
QUE INCREÍBLE EL RELATO...CUANTA VERDAD JUNTA!!! CUANTO CONOCIMIENTO DE PERFUMES!!! CUANTAS IMÁGENES POÉTICAS QUE CALZAN EN FORMA PERFECTA!!
FELICITACIONES POR ESTA OBRA LITERARIA PORINGUERA!!!
SE LE CAEN LAS LÁGRIMAS A RON JEREMY...
clap clap clap aplauzos.
Creoq ue el material da para realizar la version 2.0 con unas cuantas locas lindas que no deberias dejar escapar en la vida, partiendo por la que tengo a mi lado. que si bien a veces se le escapan los enanos, entre sumas y restas, sigue sumando bastante!!
puntos y reco para ti
Una cosa:"Al hombre lo que mas le importa es que la mina, tenga las tetas grandes y si tiene pepa... tant mieux" mmmmm con este post queda claro que no es lo que mas nos importa no?
Abrazo!!
Genio
Muy bueno!
Sos un grosso de verdad Claudio!!!
Excelentes descripciones y un humor que mas querria tener alguno de los que afanan en TV o teatro!!!
Dejo puntos y soy tu seguidor!!!
Algunos comentarios:
*Ya arrancamos con eso de que la columna de Claudio está torcida. Hay que hacer reir con un título, eh.
*Deliciosa descripción de la quisquillosidad femenina. O sabés mucho de minas, o sos psi, o sos mina o sos puto. Pero me hiciste sentir muy indentificad, lrpm!
*El elogio a la patrona, extensivo al género femenino, realizado al inicio del post fue una hermosura.
*Lo de las 5 ingarchables, muy bueno como acostumbra, pero ¿Qué carajo hacés sabiendo tanto de perfumes y usando la palabra 'outfit'? (Yo sigo sin saber muy bien qué mierda significa!)
*Horrible lo de ahogar gatitos.
*Epílogo muy emocionante, nos hiciste lagrimear a todos creo, tonto...
Beso, puntos, reco!
Mi hija mayor siempre dice outfit yo tampoco sabia que mierda era! ahora lo dicen las tres meeee caaaaaaaaago!
Mi tio omar ahogaba gatitos el dice que