Mi problema con las trans...

First of all I want to clarify that I'm doing this post as a way of release, I don't intend to offend anyone, I do it with respect, trying to reach someone who feels identified and maybe can give me some opinion or criticism with respect, I won't tell an erotic story, just part of my personal history. I start by telling them that I really like anime, and so a few years ago I got into hentai magazines, and for those who know this world we know that there are many girls who are beautiful with big penises, and even though they're drawings, I couldn't help but feel excited when I saw them, they seemed to me tremendous delight, and I began to slowly get more involved in the world of girls with fallos. I found more and more beautiful girls on the internet, some real goddesses, made of flesh and bone (with a bit more meat than usual), beautiful but unattainable for a common guy like me. I obsessed over these girls every day more and more, and at the same time I wondered what was happening with me, was I becoming gay, was I heterosexual, was I bisexual? And I didn't find myself anywhere, it's a very complex topic that even though I've read a lot about it, I still don't fully understand or fit in anywhere, personally I define myself as bi, I like the female figure but I prefer the penis over the vagina. So over the years I met several trans girls, but most of them were escorts with whom I had good and bad experiences (I'm not complaining, it was a learning experience) I wanted to find a partner with these attributes, but oh boy is it difficult and complicated, when I've searched for friends they're extremely temperamental and some are quite dangerous, without generalizing. Leaving me as the only option the escorts, but I don't like that much, I'm scared of the diseases of people who are so promiscuous in their work (I'm not judging, I just worry) Currently I have a girlfriend (not trans), a beautiful blonde one, whom I've already published about. Some posts here, but I still miss my penis, and in the end, I finished writing this post because I had been talking and getting to know a transsexual girl and I told her I considered myself bi, due to my tastes for transsexuals and she got angry, why she said it wasn't a man, it was a woman, but I don't feel totally heterosexual because of my taste for cock. (I don't even know what I am) I don't want to go on, I hope this story from my life is enjoyable to someone who may feel identified, comments and criticisms are welcome, just please ask for respect.