Neotete
Hello beautiful community, I'm with little time due to work and study issues and that's why only a distant glimpse of my desires to post (not so much to comment, since I'll make myself a minute or two per day) but this is really worth it, and I promise you if you reach the end you'll laugh your ass off!!! I leave greetings and hope you have a good time with this text that makes me cry tears of laughter!!!
Use of the BidetIn a crowded chat with friends, an interesting topic emerged: how do you use the bidet? Not for what, that's known; but rather, how do you sit? Most of us used it the same way, sitting with our backs to the wall, managing the handles by touch; but one comes with an irrefutable theory: The bidet must be used facing the wall because the little thing that comes out of the water stays right on your ass, you can see the handles, soap dispenser, and towel. It makes sense, I think. When my turn comes, I'll try it.
The next morning, I take my coffee... instant effect. Wrapped in my robe, I play a game on my phone while doing what I have to do in the bathroom. Done. Time for a break. I crouch just and pivot on one foot giving half a spin, almost like Ginger Rogers' choreography; and stop in a maneuver over the bidet, facing the wall. Great! I can access the handles, mix hot with cold until I get the right temperature, manage the pressure with the middle one, reach for soap, towel, everything. Impeccable. This friend was right, and he introduced me to a somewhat addictive world... I take off my robe, jump into the shower, and head to the office, already running late due to bidet-ing.
At the office, all good. At lunchtime, I decide to innovate, and order Chinese food delivery: pork with mushrooms and bamboo shoots. Very tasty, but the effect is more instant than my morning coffee.
I go to the employee bathroom, pressing the corners: all the stalls are occupied. Oh no! The bosses went out for lunch, and their secretary's gossip is eating in the cafeteria... so I sneak into the management bathroom.
Chinese food: it bites when it goes in, it bites when it comes out. Meanwhile, I examine the bathroom: what a bunch of guys these bosses are! In the employee bathroom, they put a paper towel with which you can file your nails while you're doing your business, but here they have one that's soft, cloth towels, Glade Touch, soap-soap, not that liquid detergent to press a greasy button,
magazines in a basket and even a wicker basket with a cinnamon popurrí of jasmine and rose petals on the backpack of the toilet.
End. I'm going to the bidet. I do the same maneuver as this morning at home:
I pivot on one foot... half turn... and forget that I have my pants and underwear tied around my ankles, which hit against the base of the bidet. Error.
The textile braking throws me face-first against the wall, I rebound, slide down and get stuck in the bidet's rim with my testicles. My cry becomes sharp, finished. Luckily, I didn't split my lips against the tiles; only my nose is bleeding, and it stains my white shirt that I ironed with Klaro last night.
With one hand, I pull out some toilet paper, roll it up and plug both nostrils: I don't know which one is bleeding.
Meanwhile, I try to advance on the bidet, facing the wall, until I release my testicles, but I end up almost kneeling on the floor because my pants are still blocking against the base. I open the hot water, and a scalding jet of water carbonizes my cock, which was just above the water level. I move a little more towards the wall, and now I'm burning my testicles: depilation with flamethrowers. I stick out my ass, open the cold water, and the pressure increases. It's like a hydro-lavadora pouring lava inside my butt. I want to lower the pressure with the middle faucet, but facing it is reversed: the force increases, and I feel myself being lifted off the floor. I stop as best I can, stumble back and fall onto my neck against the other wall.
That's how the secretary found me after the maintenance man managed to force the door open: unconscious on my back, a bit soiled, with my cock in the air, my testicles colored like two beets, my shirt stained with blood, toilet paper half-dissolved in my nose and the bidet jet pouring everything it can, peeling off the ceiling paint. Ah... and the little gift in the toilet, because I didn't I arrived at pressing the button.
I had to pay for the repairs. The ones upstairs found moisture on the skirting boards. Those downstairs found it in the walls. I paid for the paint, the painter, reused the soaked magazines, expensive toilet paper, and even the soap that dissolved with the rain showerhead. But I acted like an idiot with the bidet: that one, let them buy it.
Useful tips when using a bidet.
* Trust only your own bidet. It's your best friend, and you know its temperature, pressure, and direction of handle rotation.
* A foreign bidet is harder to manage than an excavator.
* That foreign bidet will have the speed of a Ferrari: it'll go from zero to one hundred (degrees) in four seconds, scorching your ass.
* The optimal management of bidet controls implies knowledge of hydraulics and thermodynamics through an equation that includes: pressure from 0 to 100%, temperature A, temperature B, geolocation of the anus, health index, and noise level.
* When you manage all those variables, you'll get a one-command bidet. You'll handle it like a possessed joystick that will lift you off the floor. Practice with a jet-ski first.
* Finally, and most importantly: when your pants are down, use the bidet with your back to the wall. And don't trust your friends. Innovation is bad.
Hello beautiful community, I'm with little time due to work and study issues and that's why only a distant glimpse of my desires to post (not so much to comment, since I'll make myself a minute or two per day) but this is really worth it, and I promise you if you reach the end you'll laugh your ass off!!! I leave greetings and hope you have a good time with this text that makes me cry tears of laughter!!!
Use of the BidetIn a crowded chat with friends, an interesting topic emerged: how do you use the bidet? Not for what, that's known; but rather, how do you sit? Most of us used it the same way, sitting with our backs to the wall, managing the handles by touch; but one comes with an irrefutable theory: The bidet must be used facing the wall because the little thing that comes out of the water stays right on your ass, you can see the handles, soap dispenser, and towel. It makes sense, I think. When my turn comes, I'll try it.
The next morning, I take my coffee... instant effect. Wrapped in my robe, I play a game on my phone while doing what I have to do in the bathroom. Done. Time for a break. I crouch just and pivot on one foot giving half a spin, almost like Ginger Rogers' choreography; and stop in a maneuver over the bidet, facing the wall. Great! I can access the handles, mix hot with cold until I get the right temperature, manage the pressure with the middle one, reach for soap, towel, everything. Impeccable. This friend was right, and he introduced me to a somewhat addictive world... I take off my robe, jump into the shower, and head to the office, already running late due to bidet-ing.
At the office, all good. At lunchtime, I decide to innovate, and order Chinese food delivery: pork with mushrooms and bamboo shoots. Very tasty, but the effect is more instant than my morning coffee.
I go to the employee bathroom, pressing the corners: all the stalls are occupied. Oh no! The bosses went out for lunch, and their secretary's gossip is eating in the cafeteria... so I sneak into the management bathroom.
Chinese food: it bites when it goes in, it bites when it comes out. Meanwhile, I examine the bathroom: what a bunch of guys these bosses are! In the employee bathroom, they put a paper towel with which you can file your nails while you're doing your business, but here they have one that's soft, cloth towels, Glade Touch, soap-soap, not that liquid detergent to press a greasy button,
magazines in a basket and even a wicker basket with a cinnamon popurrí of jasmine and rose petals on the backpack of the toilet.
End. I'm going to the bidet. I do the same maneuver as this morning at home:
I pivot on one foot... half turn... and forget that I have my pants and underwear tied around my ankles, which hit against the base of the bidet. Error.
The textile braking throws me face-first against the wall, I rebound, slide down and get stuck in the bidet's rim with my testicles. My cry becomes sharp, finished. Luckily, I didn't split my lips against the tiles; only my nose is bleeding, and it stains my white shirt that I ironed with Klaro last night.
With one hand, I pull out some toilet paper, roll it up and plug both nostrils: I don't know which one is bleeding.
Meanwhile, I try to advance on the bidet, facing the wall, until I release my testicles, but I end up almost kneeling on the floor because my pants are still blocking against the base. I open the hot water, and a scalding jet of water carbonizes my cock, which was just above the water level. I move a little more towards the wall, and now I'm burning my testicles: depilation with flamethrowers. I stick out my ass, open the cold water, and the pressure increases. It's like a hydro-lavadora pouring lava inside my butt. I want to lower the pressure with the middle faucet, but facing it is reversed: the force increases, and I feel myself being lifted off the floor. I stop as best I can, stumble back and fall onto my neck against the other wall.
That's how the secretary found me after the maintenance man managed to force the door open: unconscious on my back, a bit soiled, with my cock in the air, my testicles colored like two beets, my shirt stained with blood, toilet paper half-dissolved in my nose and the bidet jet pouring everything it can, peeling off the ceiling paint. Ah... and the little gift in the toilet, because I didn't I arrived at pressing the button.
I had to pay for the repairs. The ones upstairs found moisture on the skirting boards. Those downstairs found it in the walls. I paid for the paint, the painter, reused the soaked magazines, expensive toilet paper, and even the soap that dissolved with the rain showerhead. But I acted like an idiot with the bidet: that one, let them buy it.
Useful tips when using a bidet.
* Trust only your own bidet. It's your best friend, and you know its temperature, pressure, and direction of handle rotation.
* A foreign bidet is harder to manage than an excavator.
* That foreign bidet will have the speed of a Ferrari: it'll go from zero to one hundred (degrees) in four seconds, scorching your ass.
* The optimal management of bidet controls implies knowledge of hydraulics and thermodynamics through an equation that includes: pressure from 0 to 100%, temperature A, temperature B, geolocation of the anus, health index, and noise level.
* When you manage all those variables, you'll get a one-command bidet. You'll handle it like a possessed joystick that will lift you off the floor. Practice with a jet-ski first.
* Finally, and most importantly: when your pants are down, use the bidet with your back to the wall. And don't trust your friends. Innovation is bad.
39 comentários - Laughing with friends!!!
posta complicado meterse al bidet mirando hacia la pared con los lompas en los tobillos!!! jaja!!! 😀 😀
muy bueno!!!
muy bueno!!
gracias por advertir sobre los peligros del bidet!!!
😀 😀 😀
Muy bueno !!!
Gracias por compartir.
Besos y Lamiditas !!!
Compartamos, comentemos, apoyemos, hagamos cada vez mejor esta maravillosa Comunidad !!!
nooooooooooooooo la verdad como me reí ,es triste que pase pero que divertido es leerlo...igual yo no me bideteo ni ahí si no es en casa que asquito jajaja 😀 😀 😀 😀
ME HAS HECHO REIR SOLO COMO UN BOLUDO SENTADO FRENTE A LA COMPU!!!! 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀
gracias gente, pense realmente que como yo tambien me rei solo como un boludo, estaba bueno compartir un poco de alegria...
si te gusta recomendalo asi todos se cagan de risa!!! 😃
jajajaja que hdp, como lloré con eso!!! 😀 😀
Que lo parió esa bideteada, es un lindo quilombo atemperar el agua.. 😀
buenísimo el relato chabón!!!!
recomiendo a amigos
la verdad esta muy bueno capo
aplausos 😛 😛 😛 😛 😛 😛 😛 😛
juaaaaaaaaaaa boludo te fuiste al carajo
tas reloco man
excelente aporte
jajajaja
estoy cagao de risa....
Te invito a pasar pos mis post cuando puedas
Compartamos, comentemos, apoyemos, hagamos cada vez mejor esta maravillosa Comunidad !!!
😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀
Muy Bueno Neoi!!!
Me Cage de Risa!!!
Posta No Confien en el Bidet Ajeno!!!
😉
gracias por pasar y recomendar amigos!!! 😃
Yeah Yeah Yeah
que hdp,
paresias chespirito como chapulincolorado cagada tras cagada y golpe tras golpe jajajaja
y encima te vio la secre noooooooooooo
jajajajaja
que varbaro
buenismo el aporte che
exelente
Bueniiiiiiiisimo amigo, como me he reido 😀 😀 😃 😃 . Saludos.
gracias a todos por pasar y gracias Ginger por recomendar!!! 😃
me encanto
muy bueno 😉 😉
+ 10 de hoy merecidooooo
Jajaja
uff gracias diosa!!!
gracias tecno y pacific!!!
Felicito, agradezco, dejo puntos, beso y recomiendo!!! (Sí, todo eso!)
Morochadel84
gracias morocha, un gusto!!!
me alegro!!! 😃
me alegro que haya gustado tanto amigas y amigos!!! 😃
gracias!!! 😃