The natural logic says that transformation is gradual, but with the same surprise as finding mold in lactose bread one day, our bombón's decay comes like a revelation to us. As if he were suddenly another: fatter, more wrinkled, more hairy..., more like your father-in-law!

The first reaction is a mix of disappointment and indignation: you spend all day running to not miss a single class at the gym or Pilates, invest a considerable amount of money in various beauty treatments and creams, and demonstrate the willpower of an ascetic against any possible excess carbohydrates. He, on the other hand, doesn't hesitate to attack any good choripán that crosses his path, drinks beer as if every day were New Year's Eve, hasn't set foot in a gym for years old, and looks at you with hatred every time you suggest an anti-wrinkle cream. Of course, none of this seems to matter to him, because he also considers himself immortal. Clearly, both of us have a different image of what it means to be a god on Mount Olympus (yours is inspired by a fantasy with Channing Tatum).

We ask ourselves: how did we get to this point?, does he no longer care about seducing me?, is it my fault for not demanding more from him or do I have to be more understanding?, with the certainty that what's at risk is desire and, with this, the future of our relationship.Chocolate

But the truth is that this turning point is a bridge that all couples cross late or early, and it's linked to what we know as the chemistry of love: when we fall in love, we experience biochemical changes that produce effects comparable to those of consuming chocolates. That's why we link the idea of eating a bonbon to the first image we make of our love. Being with him, kissing him, looking at him intensely, releases hormones (such as dopamine and oxytocin) in our body that, among other things, help us focus on the qualities of the other person that cause pleasure..., hiding from unimportant everything else. According to researchers, this stage can last from 6 months to 3 years, after which all the hidden fluff under the carpet comes out.

Wrapping

Along with the hormones that provide a selective vision, our mind supports the bonbon operation starting from another operation that psychology calls investing: it's about linking certain energy to a representation so that it has a special meaning for us. Just as we invest precious minutes in our personal care and can justify any expense for a good cream, at some point we put our energy into justifying how cool the messy haircut of that man was, his worn-out shoes or the relaxed way he invited you to a happy hour on Monday. Once lost investments are resigned, everything is reinterpreted: it doesn't make you feel even a little bit good that, in total disregard for that growing beer belly, the gentleman decides to drink alcohol any day of the week.

Filling

But what we tend to overlook is that they also face the same disillusionment. Ask yourself if you would like him to judge you solely based on your physical appearance. What about your intelligence, the dedication with which you care for your family, your sweetness, your creativity...? It seems easy to see the wrinkle in someone else's eye, but Do we really want the measurement of our waist to be the measure of our love? Or do our conversations revolve around diets and calorie counts? Let's start by understanding that that fright at the other person's wrinkle is, in reality, fear of our own wrinkle, and let's propose seeing it as a sign of experience, of time spent together. As something positive. The other person functions like a mirror, it's easier and less harsh to see it on them than on ourselves.Flavor If we're going to choose just one man to commit to for the rest of our life, it's better to feel attracted to him. But we can't weigh physical attraction as the most important value on our scale, because in the long run, it's not what really matters. So what does matter? Note this magical list: communication, trust, intimacy (which should not be confused with being able to go to the bathroom with the door open!), commitment and, don't miss this last point..., celebration. It may seem strange, but celebrating happy moments is more important than relying on complicated ones. So don't hesitate in front of the first opportunity to open that champagne -not beer!- that has been sleeping in the fridge for months. Celebrate.

Practical keys

Take out the automatic: there's no mystery or attraction if there's no space for surprise. We shouldn't assume we know what the other is thinking or feeling. Communicating isn't just about expressing yourself: it's much more important to learn how to listen. And not just with your ears, you can also listen with your body. By paying special attention to a slight touch, this gesture can become highly erotic. But if we're going at cruise speed, we'll be unable to register it. Before complaining about the un-erotic belly, check if you're not the one avoiding giving sufficient attention to the silent conversation of the senses.Inspire him to improve his quality of life: if our man really needs to reencounter physical exercise, suggest it as a very necessary personal space (where he chooses what activity to develop, with which friends, on what day and at what times). We can also propose discovering different city spaces by bike on weekends, more in an exploratory and adventurous key than as a fitness routine, or we can take care of bringing a more balanced menu to the table (but without starving him, because he'll take it as an excessive advance against his freedom and resist!). Is that like being a mother? No. It's helping him experience how maybe not so difficult it is to modify certain habits to feel better. You'll see how he gets into it