Love does not conquer death.

What happened to me in a week needs two weeks to tell and three to write it down, but I have some minutes before they take effect. My name is Alfredo, always try to find sense in things and especially in the human mind because that's why I'm studying psychology, within what I study I look for the reason of behaviors, the truth of dreams (in the dream or in wakefulness) and above all what makes a person unable to answer with an explanation. This last one sounds rare and difficult but I'm trying to eliminate the whys and the nos, started with me and try to see if I could achieve it with other people, friends and relatives. My friend and brother, not by blood but by bone, is a man who has the same age as us and we've known each other since 6 years old, he's been aware that I'm in love with him for 7 years now.

Then there's a struggle between morality and desire, because love overflows inside me. Never told him but I think he knows it too and will sound stupid if I say that even more than once I touched him while sleeping and he pretended to be asleep. But that's the code. The Monday of the famous week I went to eat at his house, we ate well and drank a lot and for dessert a cake, nothing out of the ordinary until the moment of laughter without anesthesia I told him how I felt, he stayed silent for a while and after three minutes he answered me saying that he likes women, you're my friend and are you screwing with me? I explained to him that not and said it again and also explained that this had been inside me for many years and as expected he didn't like it much and simply I was like if a tragedy had come knocking on my door, even crying like I used to before telling him. And I thought what I studied made no sense, that I opened my mouth without thinking and since I fell in love with him why, he rejected me because of not. My theory, my life, my ideology went to hell for opening my mouth. The Wednesday... He called me and invited me to his house again, the same routine as always, and at the time of talking I persuaded him and with a series of promises, not to touch the subject if he didn't want to or if it wasn't to his liking I would stop, I went on leading him and convinced him to practice oral sex, I crouched down since he was sitting in an armchair in the living room, I took off my yoga pants and his boxer's elastic band, I have to admit that it wasn't the first time I saw it, but from the first time I never stopped desiring it with a big and rosy head with a trunk of 18 cm and large hairy balls, separated the lips and put my head in my mouth and started my task, I have to recognize that at that moment I wanted to cry out of happiness, it was going to be the last time I would be with my friend, suck, lick, lick this cock that took years to arrive but in those ten minutes it was mine, paused twice to take a breath and continued while listening to his increasingly louder moans until his warm semen flooded my mouth, and of course I took everything, it was worth waiting so long I thought with happiness that one can feel very few times in life. We said goodbye as always and that night before falling asleep I masturbated thinking about him.

I called him again on Saturday night, we talked for an hour until midnight on Sunday. Between tears I listened to him say he didn't know if he would come back to being the same as before, and that's how I threw away more than twenty years of friendship over a blow job, I know when someone reads this I'll have taken ten pills from the tablet and maybe another ten. I don't find a reason to know why I opened my mouth or why I fell in love, but if it's to leave this world that never gave me what I wanted. The truth... I don't know, I'm tired.

The truth, what is the truth? What is the truth?